rubber revelation.

I’m about to take an ax to my formerly beloved Inkblog.

I was trying to make a card this weekend, simply for the pure enjoyment of it. Well, I became incredibly frustrated with what I was working on so I ripped up the paper and stormed off proclaiming that “I *bleeping* hate stamping.” Wow. That was a shocking revelation! (And I don’t typically use words like that!)

For two months now, my camera has been out of commission (not that I’m counting or anything). It’s rather impossible to run a stamping tutorial journal when you don’t have a camera. I got an e-mail today from a reader saying she’d like to unsubscribe from my blog because I talk too much about Squidoo lenses and blog banners I’ve designed. That really got to me. I mean, I figured that people were thinking that anyway, with my lack of quality content, but to actually hear it was a blow. This is one of the reasons why I’ve started this blog. I need another outlet, one that people can’t criticize as easily for being “off-topic.”

So, anyway, about *bleeping* hating stamping. I don’t know when it started. What I do know is that the pressure finally got to me and I cracked.

I know I don’t make the most incredible cards on the web. I never wanted my blog to be a showcase for my own work (although to hear that people do like my cards does make me happy). My goal was to make something that was nice enough looking to show off a technique or two so that my readers would be inspired to try it for themselves. But, you know, the pressure of making something that was nicer than “nice enough” really got to me. It’s like I would hound myself with reminders that people would be looking at my work and judging me. That can lead to someone ripping up some cardstock, wouldn’t you say?

Also, I can only recall a handful of times (maybe five—maybe!) when I pulled out my stamps and created something specifically for someone else. I started out my stamping career as a demonstrator for Stampin’ Up! and I think that’s the culprit. Every good card I made became a sample. Every beautiful card I saw and then copied became something else to display at a workshop. If it was someone’s birthday, I might (if they were lucky) pull a card out of my sample basket for them. Most of the time I completely forgot about sending out cards to friends and family. It actually became a bit of a joke that I “made cards for a living” but I never had one on hand when it was someone’s birthday. And I certainly wasn’t going to stoop to shelling out $3 at Hallmark for one! It was a very odd dichotomy—I was always making cards, but never giving them away. So what was I making making them for?!

So, the end result of all of this inner turmoil? I got a box and a few bags and I cleared out my stamping cabinet (at least now there is finally room for all the scrapbooking supplies that were waiting for a home…). I’m going to give it a few weeks at least, but if I really do feel this way (and it’s not just hormones) I think I’ll be listing everything on e-Bay. I don’t want to be silly about it and toss out something I feel fickle about. But I really think I’m forever burnt-out on the whole process. I just don’t enjoy it… and I really don’t know if I ever did! I did enjoy teaching and sharing ideas with others. But I’m no longer a cardmaker…

I’m off now to go work on some “behind the scenes” things to get Inkblots ready to go inactive. I really think that it’s just time to drop this baggage and move on.

I think I’m starting to feel better already.