my one little word.

Let me start this post off by saying I am beyond excited to be on time for this…

It’s the end of the year and I have all these plans to try out all these big scrapbooking things next year—things that I’ve always wanted to do, but miss out on. I always seem to hear about the good stuff… in January, when it’s too late. But not this year (thank you, Pinterest!). This year, I am ready!

I’ve been thinking about the one little word that I’d like to focus on in 2012, the banner I’d like to hang over my year. Currently, the word I keep coming back to is NOW.

It’s small, intense and can mean so many different things. Here’s what it means to me:

I am not a big fan of the past.

I know—I’m a scrapbooker! What is up with that?

It’s just that when I look at photos of the past, far from being filled with a sense of sweet nostalgia, I am full of a mixture of embarrassment and sadness. If I spend an hour sorting through photos from my childhood, I feel like crap for the next few hours. Even when I spend an hour sorting through photos from my early married years, I think more of the hardships and sad times. It always makes me happy that I am where I am now… in some sort of strange, twisted, desperate way.

I am not someone who likes to look back.

Instead, I’m one of those people who is always talking about the future. I’m a junkie. I get so excited about possibilities and opportunities. Too much coffee can be really dangerous in this house! I love new projects. I love taking crazy leaps of faith off cliffs… it’s thrilling!

I saw this beautiful illustration on Pinterest and it made me think of this very thing.

(link)

When I look at this, I see myself.

After months and months of growing out my hair out (because other people like it that way and tell me that I should do try it again), I’d get to a point where I had enough and I’d want to hack it off. After all that time, it means nothing to me to just do it on a whim. It’s what I want to do. It’s more “me” than growing out my hair is. I wouldn’t look back. I’d be happy.

As I was thinking about all this—how I don’t like to look back and how I love to look forward—I realized something big: I’m not living in the moment.

So, for me, NOW means RIGHT NOW.

Be here, now.

Savor this moment.

Focus.

And capture it…

(…which brings to mind another big scrapbooking event that’s coming up that I’m planning to do, but more on that in another post.)

Another thing that NOW means to me is “now” in the sense of “Do it. Do it now!”

I will have a list of things in my head… and I will let the one thing that upsets me the most on my list hound me all day long and sour my mood and rain on my parade. Why not just do it as soon as I possibly can? Like… right now! Now’s a good time! Rip off the band-aid. Get it over and done with.

Or I will say to myself “You can start that… tomorrow.” Of course, that’s a good thing to say to yourself when your day is so crazy and you need to draw the line somewhere. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about things like healthy eating habits, starting to exercise, putting off sinful habits. It’s too easy to say “Tomorrow.” I want to say “No, NOW. You will thank me later.” There’s always going to be that initial little hill to climb over… whether I try something new today or tomorrow or three weeks from Thursday.

All of this is something that I want to take with me into 2012…

So, that’s my OLW for 2012: NOW It’s very little. But very potent to me.

3 Responses to “my one little word.”

  1. Holly in Japan Says:

    What an awesome word Nicole. Wonderful and inspiring. I’ve never done the OLW – seems like my word would change all the time. Love this one! Beautiful post!

  2. Sharyn Says:

    Nicole – fabulous post and very inspiring. Now is fabulous and I guess ecapsulated somewhat in the two words I have narrowed down for myself next year. I want to go forward with what I achieved with Balance – my OLW for this last year.

  3. Christine Says:

    Nicole, – I followed a lead and ended up here on you blog, right now, where I needed to be. Wonderful blog posting, you lifted my spirits so much, I guess you will never know how much! I always found myself awkward and the odd one out because looking at photo of the past makes me sad and leaves me feeling lousy for a long time. People tell me it’s something you have to push yourself through, it would be therapeutic to look often at those photos and write a story, than, they say those awkward feeling will disappear.
    It makes me wonders why I need to change that, why am I not good enough as I am, with awkward feelings and all? When other people look at a photo they see that specific moment in time, when I look at it I see the history of what happened months ago, it can be an item in the photo that reminds me or the person self.

    And here you are, feeling the same, letting me know I’m not ‘strange’ or not normal’. I’m so happy I landed on this page, thank you for writing so honest about how you feel about the past.

    For the first time ever I’m also doing OLW. My word is create in the broadest sense of the word, as create opportunities and room for myself to make art, create a loving environment for myself to eliminate stress, create logs and journal about the now to leave a legacy for my family after I am gone.

    Your OLW is very powerful, did you realize that when you read NOW backwards it says WON! 🙂
    I think you chose a winner! 🙂 I hope to follow you throughout the year!

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